The Life of Me

Santa Claus is a very freaky person! I mean, first of all, he's like, F-A-T with a capital F and A and T. Secondly, he is very, very, very old. Third, he's extraordinarily jolly. Observation #4: He takes advantage of the small-ness of elves and enslaves them. It's cruel. 

And, I believe that everybody already knows and believes this, but he's such a freaking stalker! He sees you when your sleeping! Need I go on? Can you imagine waking up and seeing an old, red, round, blubbery, bearded face staring in your bedroom window? (Scarred for life!) And, to answer my question ("Need I go on?") no, I don't need to go on, but I will: He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake! Oh, is that why we're being good? We're being good for the sake of goodness. It sounded for a minute there like we were being good because Santa was watching, and if we're not good, he'll sit on us and crack every one of our ribs or something equally atrocious.

And what's up with that song? You better watch out! You better not cry! You better not pout... What's wrong with crying and pouting? Is it wrong to cry and pout? I mean, sure, sometimes people fake-cry and fake-pout so much that I feel like ripping their face off, but it's not wrong. It's just irritating. Could the writer of that horrid song not come up with a refrain, so he just... wrote that? What happened? 

Well, merry Christmas either way!!!

-Sue Donimm

P.S. Just a random comment: The "X" in "X-mas" stands for "Christ." We're celebrating Christ's birthday, not Chris' (though I'm sure there are Chris-es born on Christmas, and happy birthdays!) I see a lot of YouTube channels/Instagram names and all that spelled "X-Tina." And I'm not saying that's sinful or whatever. And it does look better than "X-Ina," but... Just to clear up any confusion that might be occurring.