The Life of Me
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Hahaha! Funny Stuff!
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I just did a thorough clearing out of my desk at home. I threw out about 10,000 useless pieces of junk, a lot of which I didn't even recognize. But when I was younger, I had developed a brief but intense obsession of making posters of funny/inspirational quotes. I would Google funny quotes, take a piece of construction paper and a huge container of markers, crayons, pens, colored pencils, and one or two of those awesome pens with the really silver ink (not "really silver" as in "real silver," but like the ink was very much silver-colored) and I'd write the quote in a cool font (I had a notebook with like a billion different fonts I had Googled and copied down) and I'd sometimes add cool decorations or whatever. I had kept about 80 of the things. I had made so many, I remember getting a huge, very painful blister on the side of my thumb, where I held the pens. They were awesome, and really fun to make! But, I eventually got tired of making posters... But I didn't get tired of reading funny quotes! (lolsotrue.com is a brilliant website! Go see it!)
Along with the posters, I found a sheet of paper with 28 funny quotes/comments I had found online and written down (no special font). I find many of them rather amusing. I don't know who made them up, but I DID NOT COME UP WITH THESE! I TAKE NO CREDIT FOR THE CREATION OF THESE QUOTES! And if you're the kind of person who doesn't always have a great sense of humor, you may want to wait to read these until you're tired and hyper and goofy. So, here they are:
1. Nothing sucks more than that moment in an argument when you realize you're wrong.
2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to take a nap when I was younger.
3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
4. How the heck are you supposed to fold fitted sheets?
5. Was learning cursive really necessary?
6. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on step 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood!
7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
9. Bad decisions make great stories.
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BlueRay? I don't want to have to restart my collection. (Again.)
12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes I made to my 10-page, 1000-point essay that I swear I didn't make any changes to.
13. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means that I will never wash this--ever.
14. I hate it when I just miss a call by the last ring, but when I immediately call back, it rings 9 times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run?
(Confession: I used this line in that telephones post... Sorry!)
15. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone important the entire day... What a waste...
16. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to pick up when they call.
17. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
18. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
(Don't worry--only 10 more.)
19. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
20. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I need to write something down.
21. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
22. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't understand a word they said?
23. I love that sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
24. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. But pants? Pants never get dirty; you can wear them forever!
25. There's nothing more terrifying than that millisecond you're sure you're going to die after you lean your chair a little too far back.
26. As a driver I hate pedestrians. As a pedestrian I hate drivers. But no matter what form of transportation, I will always hate bicyclists.
27. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 times and still not know what time it is.
28. Even in ideal conditions, people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and pinning the tail on the donkey. But I'd bet $1,000,000 that everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
(By the way, I wasn't serious about that bet in #28. Don't hold me to that.)
Hope I made someone laugh... Don't forget, lolsotrue.com!
(And life is too short not to laugh at yourself. If you can't laugh at yourself, call me. I'll laugh at you.) (Did you laugh?) (I hope so.)
-Sue Donimm
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